I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
