I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
