Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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