There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I need moral support for this bender
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
