I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
