My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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