so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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