i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
