i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
