I hate all girls vehemently.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
