Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
