john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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