The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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