Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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