I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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