he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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