Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
this will be a night to untag.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
