thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
