And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
