i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she smelled like a LAN party
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
