She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
