In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
