nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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