I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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