I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
