she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
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