My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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