me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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