this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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