There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
