So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
