Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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