I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
