There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
