So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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