His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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