Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
