Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
