we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
