I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
