I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
