i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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