that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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