im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
The air taste purple.
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