You can't motorboat a personality
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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