Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
