there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
