My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
