...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
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