i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
