You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
