Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
