Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
