He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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