Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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